Siblings Letter ft Elena Gilbert

I should learn to never give up
On friendship or any other relationships

I thought that every good thing has string attached to pathetic end
So I thought mine was around the corner and I'm willing to let it go

One absurd thing about human feeling is that it drives us crazy
It gave us angelic feeling today, catastrophe tomorrow   
And I wonder how can I feel loved today and feel hated on the next day

And because of that, 
I constantly push people away when things get hard
I certainly think that's what I should do to avoid effecting them, or worse, our friendship

During every farewell...
I waited for them to turn around and say "Hey, should I stay?”
But they never ask that, everyone rush through their final goodbye

After a while, I learned that I too have the same feeling as them
I want to leave as much as they do
So I watch them leave and it didn't take long for me to turn away
and with heavy guts, I force myself to carry on pretending to walk on my own path
Those feelings are still fresh and strong d'you know
Feeling of being left after a good time
I developed a thing that whenever I feel pain, I shrug it off and move on very quickly
And so I can say that I have moved on for quite numerous of times
Until it become seasonal

However, this time around, it’s different
I don’t watch them leave, I didn't leave either
I took some time, to be on my own
Live through everything that remains
Without realising I said my own farewell
And decided to feel satisfied with everything that's left for me
I remain in my room, the one I call my circle
I select who I want to be with in that room so I can keep track of everyone's presence

I was driven by this desire to do well for my future
To prepare for the uncertainty
I constantly realize what I have left behind
Friends that I love, and friends that love me
Which I thought I can always go back to later
I didn't realize bit by bit I slowly picked up the pieces of people who left me and followed their steps
I did just like just like what they did to me last time
I felt something is more important than the people I left behind
I…finally become the person who I watched leaving me behind
I become everything I swore not to be

So what went wrong? I swear I didn't develop feelings of detestation 
Some little things that may have made me feel irritated
But I have forgot about those things long time ago
Maybe sometime, when I try to reach out but there were no answer
Or sometime, conversations become short 
So I felt unwanted and disappointed 
Hence, I chose to focus on things that required my attention
It’s not that I don’t have time
I can always make time
But maybe all the time that I can spare, I want nothing more than be by myself
I admit I was wrong by choosing to move on
I chose to stay loyal but not giving any commitment
I keep you in my circle but I didn't speak about you being included there

We started this year together, we said goodbye to the aching year before
After some changes occurred, I have to settle down on my own
I forgot, that all of us have to
I took everyone as a whole
Forgetting that those "everyone" don’t stay with me putting aside their sleeping time

I forgot those "everyone" didn't watch me cry and tease me later
I forgot those "everyone" doesn't try to cherish the differences I possessed
I forgot those "everyone" isn't the one who stayed with me more than her curfew time just to celebrate my birthday

I took my time, and I didn't realized how long it was for you
I delayed the time to reach for you, and I didn't realize how soon you’ll be gone 
I did this not knowing you cry in the bathroom
I thought it was fine, I thought you’ll move on and be just fine

People messed with my feelings and I have no right to complaint when I did the same
I try to reach out but… I just keep it a try without trying.
I was not really angry, just quarterly disappointed.

I know you’re leaving and how great if we could celebrate it together
But I'm afraid that maybe there’s another one over here that I'm not speaking to
It will somehow make the party incomplete 
I don't know.. The end of this year is full of conflicts, and again the person I'm having problem is not just a friend, he means a lot to me, more like a brother
Despite having an irrevocably deafening silence with, I still like him tho

the vampire diaries katherine pierce gif

Same goes to you, my sister
Whom I love very dearly
Whom only now I figured out as a true keeper.
Wipe your tears darling, Let’s make up.
I love youuuuuuu 

Little sister, Nuna
And congratulation ! I'm always proud of you. Always


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